As one of the contestants on the TV show, The Voice, walked off the stage he said, ‘I have to win this, this is my last chance, there is nothing else’.  Seal, one of the judges on the show, also said and I’m paraphrasing, ‘You have to want to win more than anything else’.

In any competition where hundreds and possibly thousands of people compete there can only be one winner, so what happens to the dream,the self confidence, of all of those other people who wanted to win just as much?

Where our society has gone off track is that we’ve dangled winning as the ultimate prize that makes winners better than others.  We put winners up on pedestals by making them celebrities, applauding their success and even in some instances handing them the keys of the city and hosting public parades.  By doing this we’ve lost sight of why it’s important to pursue our dreams.

The purpose of dreams is to motivate us, to help us stretch, recognise and let go of our fears so that we can reach our full potential. Dreams are not about winners and losers or even the destination, dreams are about what you learn on the journey.  Our dreams provide us with opportunities to understand and accept ourselves as less than perfect, to be kind to others, to be the best we can be, to be aware of where we place our energy and the consequence of our choices.  Dreams are a powerful motivator that help us reach our full potential.

I didn’t win the book contract with Hay House, either in Australia or internationally, and while a little disappointing it doesn’t deter me. I know that from a traditional marketing point of view I don’t have the drive publishers are looking for to go out there and promote a book.  However, if this had happened to me back in the eighties when I first started writing and I was a lot more sensitive I may have given up.  I was fortunate to have my first book published in a time when publishers were supporting local authors and I do understand that with the rise of technology and the emergence of ebooks the market place has changed.  What I am so grateful for is the time, encouragement and support my publishers gave me, and a whole lot of other Australian authors at that time, because without that I would not have written the books that I have and I very much doubt that I’d be doing the work that I do today.

Its time we stopped focusing on winners and shifted our focus onto working together.  By working together we encourage ourselves and others to reach our full potential.  Winning is the icing on the cake. It’s that little treat that some people get when they achieve their goal.  I was lucky enough to achieve it with a runaway best selling book, but that achievement didn’t make me any happier.  That experience was fun but it was a short term high.  What makes me happy is being the best person I can be on a daily basis and having the courage to trust and follow my heart.

Last week I put my car in to have some maintenance work done and based on the quote I’d been given I expected to have to pay a hefty bill.  When I picked up my car later that day I was delighted to find that the bill was $600 less than I expected and I just assumed that the mechanic didn’t need to do as much as he originally thought.

A couple of days later I noticed that one of my tyres was really black and I wondered if the mechanic had put some blacking agent on it, however, as I walked around my car I noticed that all of my tyres looked brand new.  When I saw my dad on the weekend I asked him to check out my tyres to see if they were new and he said, ‘There is no doubt, there is no wear on the tread, these are brand new tyres’.  When I told him that I hadn’t asked for them, or paid for them, and that I thought the mechanic had given them to me as a random act of kindness dad said, ‘No-one would do that.  There has to be some mistake.  Maybe he put someone else’s tyres on your car’.

That’s when doubt set in and I started to question.  Should I thank the mechanic and embarrass myself if he really didn’t mean it?  Should I offer to pay for the tyres?  Do I come across as poor?  And as I tossed these possibilities over in my mind I became aware, once again, at how easy it is to resist receiving and most of the time that is because our ego gets in the way.

I chose to accept the gift graciously.  I waited a couple of days so that he could contact me if he had made a mistake and when he didn’t I called in and thanked him for the tyres (and I suspect the reduced bill).  He said, ‘Tyres, what new tyres?  I didn’t put new tyres on your car.’  And that’s when I knew without doubt that he had because I saw him turn away in embarrassment and the corners of his mouth turned upwards.  And that’ s exactly how I used to act when I would send people money anonymously.

As I turned to walk away I said, ‘Your random act of kindness is very much appreciated and I will make sure I pass it on’ and I saw him smile.  That simple gesture not only made my day, it’s made my week and possibly my month.  Every time I think about it I feel good.

It’s important for all of us to learn to receive graciously, when we do this we feel good and then we pass those feelings of goodwill along to others.  We shift our focus off what is wrong with the world, people, or in our own lives and onto what is good.  Since then I’ve noticed how often people do give to me, sometimes it’s a simple act of courtesy, of someone going out of their way to reassure me, or the lovely girls I buy my coffee from who brighten my day just by being happy to see me.

Give by all means and at the same time be open and receptive to receiving from unexpected sources.

Can you remember one moment in time when you made a decision which changed the direction of your life?  For me that moment was a Tuesday night at about 11pm in May 1997 as I was driving across Roseville bridge on my way home from a friend’s place.

Before I tell you about that decision let me give you a little background information.  When I was in my twenties I met and fell in love with a man called Ian and for the next 25 years we had an on again, off again relationship.  He was someone I loved deeply and we had a child together.

We connected again when I was 50 and at that time I was just emerging from my midlife crisis whilst Ian was still in the middle of his.  So on that night in May he asked me, ‘What did you do to turn your life around?’  And as I tried to explain some of the steps I’d taken and the decisions I’d made I noticed that he had stopped listening.

Have you ever known one person that you really want to help?  Well, I really wanted to help Ian but I realised that night that there was a good chance that he would never listen to or act on any suggestions I made, he just wasn’t ready.  So while driving over Roseville bridge I decided to write down the steps that so changed my life and to share what I’d learned with others, so that someone could benefit from them, and in doing this I found my passion and purpose.

Not long after that night Ian and I parted ways again. He chose to continue to avoid his fears by acting on some unhealthy habits he had while I chose the path that I’m now on.  I suspected at that time that the differences between us would end up being so great we would not reconnect again and I was right.

Recently I learned that Ian passed away from cancer a few days after his 62nd birthday.  I don’t regret that we didn’t end up together, that wasn’t right for either of us, but I do regret that I couldn’t help him.  But I also know that while we can encourage, teach and support others we have to allow each soul to walk their own path, even if it is a self destructive one.  I am so grateful to have known him, for the daughter we share.  He was a beautiful soul who never recognised his own magnificence.  He simply didn’t love himself enough to make the hard choices.  He did however, help me to become who I am today and who knows maybe that was part of his life purpose.

I urge you to be mindful of every decision you make.  While the thoughts you think influence your decisions, thoughts alone don’t change your life, it’s the everyday decisions and choices you make and then act upon.  What may seem an inconsequential choice right now may be the one that changes your life forever.